i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
