Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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