He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
