I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
