i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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