he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dignity is for republicans.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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