i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
