Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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