you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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