You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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