haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
