dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
