Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
