I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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