dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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