Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
