Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
