would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
