Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
