i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
