my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
