Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
