it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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