What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
