Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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