can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
