he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
