Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
