he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
