Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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