turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
