Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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