Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
