That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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