Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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