Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize