I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
