I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
