how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
