you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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