is your mom at the bar?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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