What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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