just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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