Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
