the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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