I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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