please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
