It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
