when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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