i already hear my dad disowning me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
