Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
