my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
