her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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