RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
