He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
