yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
