so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
