Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
