i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize