Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
