Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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