Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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