So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
