I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
