I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
