I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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