I heard we made out
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
