But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
