she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
