I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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