turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
