When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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