you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
