I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
